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Drummer Jokes
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Q. What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
A. Homeless
Q. What do you say to a drummer in a three-piece suit?
A. Will the defendant please rise.
Q. What do you call someone who hangs around musicians?
A. A drummer
Q. How do you know when there's a drummer at your door?
A. The knocking speeds-up and he doesn't know when to come in.
Q. Did you hear about the drummer who got into
college?
A. Neither did I.
Q. What's the best way to confuse a drummer?
A. Place sheet music in front of him.
Q. What's black and blue and lying in a ditch?
A. A concertina musician who's told too many drummer jokes!
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You Know You Are
Getting Old When...
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It becomes more important to find a place on stage for your fan than your amp.
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Your gig clothes make you look like George Burns out for a round of golf.
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All your fans leave by 9:30 p.m.
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All you want from groupies is a foot massage and back rub.
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You love taking the elevator because you can sing along with most of your playlist.
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Instead of a fifth member, your band wants to spring for a roadie.
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You lost the directions to the gig, and
then got lost (even though you've been there 10 times before).
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You need your glasses to see your amp settings.
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You've thrown out your back jumping off the stage.
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You feel like hell before the gig even starts.
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The waitress is your daughter.
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You stop the set because your ibuprofen fell behind the bass amp.
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Most of the crowd just sways in their seats.
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You find your drink tokens from last month's gig in your
concertina case, unused of course. (They don't charge you for club soda)
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You refuse to play without earplugs.
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You ask the club owner if you can start at 8:30
p.m. instead of 9:30 p.m.
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You check the TV schedule before booking a gig.
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Your gig stool has a back.
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You're related to at least one other member in the band.
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You don't let any one sit in, ever.
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You need a nap before the gig.
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After the third set, you bug the club owner to let you quit early.
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During the breaks, instead of going out to the van to get high, you now go
out to the van to lay down and take
a nap.
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You prefer a music stand with a light.
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You don't recover until Tuesday afternoon.
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You hope the host's speech lasts forever.
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You buy amps considering their weight and not their tone or cool factor.
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You feel guilty looking at hot women at the bar 'cause they're younger than your daughter.
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You can remember seven different club names for the same location.
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You have a hazy memory of the days when you could work 10 gigs in 7 days - and could physically make it with very little effort.
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Accordion Bandit
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Poetry by
Teddy
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There once was a snake named Lena,
Who swallowed a concertina,
And when she was squeezed,
Way up in the trees,
She played the Macarena.
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Monty!
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Garfield...
Again!
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Garfield!
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The Concertina
A-Team
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Get Out
The Crayons!
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  Click
the images to access a larger version of
these drawings and give the kids a chance
to design a concertina of their own, or
go ahead a color one yourself!
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At The
Pearly Gates - Part II
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Saint Peter
is checking qualifications at the Pearly Gates.
He asks, "What did you do on Earth?"
The woman
says, "I was a doctor."
Saint Peter
says, "Ok, go right through those pearly gates.
Next! What did you do on Earth?"
The man says,
"I was a school teacher."
Saint Peter
says, "Go right through those pearly gates.
Next! And what did you do on Earth?"
The man says
"I was a musician in a Polka band."
Saint Peter
carefully explains, "Take all of your stuff
and go around the side of the place, up the
stairs, through the kitchen..."
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Do You
Believe This?
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These
two concertina players walk past a bar...
Well,
it could happen!
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At The
Pearly Gates
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Saint Peter
is checking qualifications at the Pearly Gates.
First comes a Texan. "Tell me what have you
done in your life." says Saint Peter.
The Texan
says, "Well, I struck oil and became rich. I
divided all my money among my family so our
descendants are set for generations."
Saint Peter
says, "That's quite something. Come on in. Next!"
The second
guy says, "I did well in the stock market, but
I didn't just provide for my own family, I also
donated to the church."
"Wonderful!"
says Saint Peter. "Come in. Who's next?"
The third
guy says timidly, "Well, I only made five thousand
dollars in my entire lifetime."
"Heavens!"
exclaims Saint Peter. "What Polka band did you
play for?"
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Get Rich
Quick
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Q. How do
you make a million dollars playing concertina?
A. Start
with two million dollars.
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Are Concertina
Players Smarter? - Part II
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Q. What did
the accordion player get on his IQ test?
A. Drool.
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Those
Darn Accordions
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Concertinas
Versus Harleys
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Q. What's
the difference between a concertina and
a Harley Davidson motorcycle?
A. You
can tune a Harley.
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Are Concertina
Players Smarter?
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Q. Why
do bands have tuba players?
A. To translate
for the drummer.
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Ouch!
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Q. What
do you call a group of topless female accordion
players?
A. "Ladies
In Pain"
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Musicians
Versus Mutual Funds
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Q. What's
the difference between a musician and a
mutual fund?
A. The
mutual fund eventually matures and earns
money.
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Sound Familiar?
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You
can remember the color of Christy Hengel's
first concertina, every version of White
Rose Waltz and all of the concertina musicians
who have ever played for The Brass Connection...
Why oh why can't you remember my birthday?
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